The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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