Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Someone shit on the floor
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
