Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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