dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
