She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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