There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
