i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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