I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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