Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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