ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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