so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
