All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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