sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
