My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
