I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
only if we run a train.
done.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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