well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
