evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
