I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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