Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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