He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
