I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
