Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
