we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
