I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
