sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
