you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
