he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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