I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
