he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
