he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
