I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
