Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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