How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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