Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
