My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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