you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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