I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
