trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
