i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
