I think im going to throw up on grandma
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
