i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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