it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
