Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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