Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
