I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
