Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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