I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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