You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
