I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
