Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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