Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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