omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
